Closure

I'm taking a History course about the Black Death. Super interesting, not just from a biological history standpoint, but also from a sociological history standpoint. How people cope in the wake of calamitous events is fascinating.

Anyway, the word "putrefaction" keeps coming up. I hate that word. It is so disgusting. Its so descriptive. All I can see is rotting flesh whenever I hear/see/say that word.

Also, Ebola virus keeps coming up.

I will be totally honest with you, blogosphere. My greatest fear is not cockroaches, or nuclear fallout, or even murder. It is Ebola. I cannot imagine a worse way to die. You get three days to suffer as your internal organs liquefy (and putrefy!). Meanwhile, you are vomiting up blood and aforementioned internal organs. After 3 horrible days your body stops working, but not before you have passed it on to everyone who ever knew you.

The only good thing about it is that it is so virulent and so deadly it usually wipes itself out pretty quickly. It is difficult for it to travel (airplanes not included) because it runs out of hosts.

Gross. Happier things??

So I was seeing my therapist today (I am just one big ball of crazy), and I was talking about an event from my past that still bothers me. I dream about it, and think about it, and stress about it. After I finished talking to her she said to me, "you never got closure."

My eyes lit up! That was the problem! This was a chapter in my life that had not been properly closed. Like a wound left open to fester (and putrefy!), the infection was still running through my veins.

The problem is, it is too late to get closure from the people involved in said event. I have to do it on my own. And it has already taken years. I wonder if I will ever manage to close it up and forget. Sometimes it seems more possible than others.

I am not one of those people who can just "let it go." I need to have more faith that things work together for good.

Just today, I was really stressed out about money. Our mortgage is late, as is our car payment. We have no money to go grocery shopping, the cars have no gas, we are just a financial mess. I got home from school, and my mom had sent us a package. Inside was $150 gift certificate to Safeway, $50 gift certificate to Shell gasoline, $25 certificate to Walgreen's, $25 certificate to AMC theaters, and $25 certificate to Chili's.

It is amazing how things work out. If that had come tomorrow, it still would have been helpful, but Cass would have been paid and I could have gotten groceries. I needed it today. I got it today.

The universe works in mysterious ways.

To happy accidents for all of my readers!! (And no Ebola/putrefaction!!)

--E

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.