Dorothy Parker

I love her. I totally relate to Dorothy Parker. She was tiny, and freckly, and not-quite-pretty but not-quite-ugly. She was also smart, sassy, and hilarious. She relied on her wit and intelligence instead of her face and body.

I want to be Dorothy Parker. I want to write things that make people laugh really really hard.

Some of my faves:

Four be the things I'd have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

(this is exactly the way I feel btw. Sums up my life perfectly)

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Now, look, baby, "union" is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.

I like to have a martini,

Two at the very most.

After three I'm under the table,

after four I'm under the host.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that anymore.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

Oh I just love her! She says everything I want to! She asked that her tombstone read "Pardon my dust," but she was cremated. So I guess her wish came true.

Dorothy Parker rolls hard.