Letters and things

Dear left knee,

Please please stop aching. I'm not sure what this is about, but it is no fun. I would appreciate a cessation of pain immediately.

Thank you,

--E

Dear Back,

I know you think it is way awesome to randomly start hurting again, but with L. knee being stupid, I think maybe you can hold out on the aching/stiffness/general un-funness shtick for a while.

Thanks,

--E

Dear Safeway,

While I really appreciate that you carry organic produce, it seems counterintuitive that it should always be such poor quality. I would like it if my strawberries were fresh when I bought them. I feel like you are selling Whole Foods' cast offs from last week.

Keep it classy, Safeway.

Always,

--E

Dear People who write Missed Connections,

Stop being lame. I am seriously lacking romance, and I am pathetic enough to seek it from you. Someone, please, write something honest and meaningful.

Yours in cyberlove,

--E

Dear dogs next door,

Shut the fuck up. At least until 10 AM. And stop trying to eat my dogs. They are not tasty.

Gracias,

--E

Dear creditors,

If I had money I would pay you. Leave me alone. I don't answer "unknown" calls so fuck off and die.

Suck it,

--E

Dear Loft Cinema,

Please please always show awesome classic movies that I can enjoy with tasty beer. "Dr. Strangelove" just isn't as good without a Bohemia.

Love forever,

--E

Dear Momma,

I love you forever and always. Thank you for everything you have done. You are beautiful and wise. Your heart is as big as your smile. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

--Minnie Miss