Welcome to Hell

So I was sitting down with my chips and salsa and guacamole to watch Star Trek IV (Whales rule!). As I near the couch I realize there is something on it.

OH. MY. GOD.

Its a maggot. A fucking maggot. On my couch. I immediately begin operation scrub house, and for the next two hours, with star trek in the background, I throw away trash, sweep floors, and clean out cupboards.

I'm still not done, but my head hurts so badly I needed to sit down.

I wasn't really able to find the epicenter. Near my trash can was the highest concentration, but even then it was only like 12 maybe? And I have been finding 1 or 2 all over my kitchen, living room, and dining room. Which for those of you who don't know is really all one big room.

I decided to use windex as my first line of defense. I am too squeamish to squish them. They pop and I can feel it under my shoe and it makes my stomach turn.

WINDEX DOES NOT KILL MAGGOTS. WTF are these things??? It does slow them down a little, and if you spray them enough they eventually drown. But I am such a fucking hippie that the strongest chemical I have in my house is windex.

This is so gross. So so so so so so so gross. No joke, I wont eat for days. And there is no way I am sleeping tonight. I will sit awake with my excruciating exhaustion headache and itch all over with phantom bugs.

It is going to be such a long time before I can eat chipotle with rice again. Bummer.