That could only happen to me

There are a long list of things that seem so improbable as to be impossible that have actually occurred in my life. I seem to be a magnet for awkward and bizarre experiences. I often find myself muttering "only me" a few times a week.

Today, I was sitting outside under a tree studying when a little flock of birds flew by. To my surprise (and horror), a baby sparrow landed on the backspace key of my laptop. He pooped on it too :/ I think he was a baby because he seemed kinda small, even for a sparrow, and his feathers were shooting off of him at weird angles, like they were too big.

I'm sort of afraid of birds. We have a long and sordid history. I am a cat person, and birds somehow instinctively know this. When I was a little girl my neighbors had a parrot. It used to sit on my head and squawk at me. Ever so often it would lean down and take a bite out of my ear. I used to babysit for a girl with lovebirds. The minute I walked in the house those assholes would lose their shit. I would just throw the towel over the cage so they would shut up. So I didn't touch baby sparrow or shoo him away for fear he would fly at my face in retaliation.

We stood there and stared at each other. I was worried that he was hurt, and that I might have to actually, you know, help him. He did that cute bird thing where he turns his head at awkward angles. I think the fear was mutual.

After about 5 minutes (no exaggeration), I began to make shooing motions with my hand. I was still not anywhere near touching him. He wobbled a bit. Then whoosh, as fast as he had landed he was off.

He didn't fly at my face.

I wish I had taken a picture. It was kind of cute. I must have looked like a deer in headlights. I actually got the giggles for a bit. It was just too weird.

I mean, birds land on things, but how often do they stick around??

Only me.